Road Closing Crimes

1. Pedestrianization: Like Leicester Square and Covent Garden, these mass confrontations between pickpockets, circus failures, and vunerable tourists plague what were quiet, nice, and respectable areas before all cars were banished, and the roads closed off. Now they are hell holes of litter and vulgarity in the day, and no-go drug haunts after midnight. Road closures like this are a big mistake, and have ruined many beauty spots. But we so desperately need this space, not for idiots to wander in, but for our cabs and buses. Plus, it helps and area's dynamics if there is traffic, giving it energy and accessability. Traffic also brings safety to an area, under the gaze of the populous and police, there is always less crime in a place with traffic. It's better then to let public transport gain full access the heart of such areas, letting people jump off those splendid red Routemasters and visit where they want to visit, instead of hanging around spoiling the view and inviting crime. The absence of these great empty areas would make the capital free from the worst of society, and London's vehicles would be in greater flow. As for the fat tourists, they would would instead holiday in Pontins where they belong. There, they could wandering around eating overpriced ice creams and taking naff photos of more tourists. Worse is the effect on the rest of London, as closures in one place means that traffic is in excess elsewhere. Transport is diverted and squeezed into rotten gridlocks of cars searching for a route forward. But there's no hope thanks to needy roadspace being eaten up as greedy tourist traps. This is a disgrace when every inch of roadspace is desperately needed. Let these tourist cattle graze elsewhere!

2. Bus & Cycle Lanes: The amount of roadspace square mileage set aside for these awful wasted road areas is almost unbelievable. Imagine the potential of this space in the days where every inch is precious. Giving Buses and Taxis the advantage is a fair idea but I really think that they should take their chances with everyone else. You cant tie up acres of roadspace and then use it with only occasional vehicles, whilst all other lanes are clogged solid. All road is self regulating if drivers have an ounce of sense. Drivers are only in jams because they have to be. Most drivers will stay away from congestion areas if they can. But giving up zillions of square miles in roadspace to non car items is a gormless move, and a patronising insult. I would prefer to see all roadspace used and maximized for use of the all traffic. As for cycles, do they ever use these miles and miles of cycle lanes? No way! At the moment, most cyclists are of a kamikaze nature, playing games with the traffic and pedestrians, with zero courtesy, ignoring all signals. What scum they mostly are, running over people and swearing at them if they complain. If a cycle lane is the best shortcut, then they may use it, otherwise they ride where they please, and make these cycle lanes a complete farce. What a waste of roadspace! Theres so much of our land given over to these scams, instead of educating road users how to co-exist on the same territory. By the way, I want to thank the people that dreamed up the sure fire ignorant idea of, say, giving over acres of road, then painting it green, so that maybe one cyclist a day might use it, only to find that no cyclists use them at all, ever, because they're too busy riding purposely slow in front of buses, or flying full speed into pelican crossing crowds. Good Call, you idiots!

3. Road Works: Its a well documented charade that is the uncoordinated mess of various competing companies digging up street after street in the capital. Some places are dug up dozens of times in a year and theres just no stopping them, as money talks. If government acted with sense it could easily curb these actions and unblock many many miles of the system disrupted by the utilities and communication companies. Better still, it could take a hint from the free thinking victorians and build vast cable and pipe service tunnels in every street, making re-digging a thing of the past. It seems everyone prefers total gridlock instead.

4. Monarchy, Ministers, Marches & Marathons: Its utter madness that our elders will totally shut down huge areas of London to extend some misled hospitality to some political or royal figure from afar who could so easily have plied their trade in an airport lounge and then gone back to where they came from. Instead, police perform the amazing escapade of bringing the business traffic of London to a standstill, so that tinpot dictators may be afforded a limousine motorcade between events. Streets are regularily emptied for miles as some fawning feat of homage, whilst Londons peoples look on, their journey corrupted for hours. At the other end of the comedy scale lies the yearly carnivals that tie up London for days and really belong on some remote spot in the middle of nowhere, not our capital. Boring floats and masses of dancing fools pretending to enjoy themselves and closing off whole areas of London is no carnival for the Londoners who want to enjoy LONDON. Its the same for protest marches. If you want sympathy, take your woes to some disused airfield miles out of town, and send the video evidence to the broadcasters. Clogging up the streets gives no credence to your complaint. And then there's the dumbest thing of all, The London Marathon. And why not close off most of London's main streets for a whole day so some overweight idiots can waddle and puff their way around our famous buildings and monuments? Why dont these morons run around Epping Forest or somewhere else far far away? It's stupid. Do the government think that the roads are there to be wasted on fancy events? It's unbelievable... I want that rediculous Marathon BANNED from London Town.

5. Parking & Deliveries: These activities can't really be seen as unproductive, as they are an integral part of road usage in London, although a lot of the time people are forced into bad parking and bad delivering through lack of planning and facilities. This only aids the shutdown of the road system. In the perfect world, there would be loads of easy parking, and deliveries would be unhampered by authority harassment. But at the moment the metropolis is a battlefield for drivers desperate to operate in any capacity. Common sense doth not prevail. As for the horror stories about traffic wardens these days, it's amazing that there isnt a major revolution by London's victimised drivers. It's shocking. Can't the police round up these wardens and send them all to Devil's Island, where they belong?

6. KENgestion Charge: Some of the crackpot schemes and ideas from Govenment and Londons conflicting authorities dont touch Mad Red Ken and his Congestion Charge, another poor tax to hurt the working class driver, the lone lady driver, the elderly, the mothers on the very valid school run. Its such a bullying measure and is causing hell to people who cant afford to be ripped off. The roadspace of central London should be used to the fullest, not emptied because the poor cant afford to use it. This is not some backward Euro-city where we can all zoom around on silly little bicycles. And its not Red Ken that will have to suffer, its the real workers and drivers, and mothers on the school run protecting their kids. Its ladies alone protecting themselves. Rich people are allowed to congest as much as they like, as long as they pay for it! Anyway, this is mainly a money earning scheme for county hall. They don't really care about congestion! Mad bonkers Red Ken and his KENgestion Charge. This has got to take the biscuit for the dumbest and meanest idea ever. Ken puts the Con in Congestion

7. Road Cutting Cosmetics: Vauxhall Cross springs to mind, when it comes to the adventurous tomfoolery of Road Cosmetics, where, in this case, probably THE major intersection of South Central London gets a fancy makeover. The Cross, where several roads meet south of Vauxhall Bridge, has been brought to a standstill nearly every day, because they have decided to redo the WHOLE AREA AT ONCE. What more insane is that they will cut the roadspace around this perfect junction by nearly half, and its right on the boundary of the rediculous Congestion Charge zone! I can see the idiot that thought this one up, looking down from his private helicopter and saying "It'll look nice when it's finished". How many other similar fiascos are littering London with eternal traffic jams?

Road Opening Crimes

Surely there has to be a better way. Just how much do we have to have our city altered and destroyed just to compensate for the extra traffic caused by road mismanagement and population growth? They're just letting it happen. We've got to save our London.